Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Day 1 and my story :)

So, i weighed myself and the grand, disgusting total is 108. That means i gained 1 pound this week...EEK! can i just say that the whole no bread deal is extremely hard? I dont think i can even do it...my mom is half turkish for crying out loud! we have pide or pita at least 4 times a week, and usually more. i wasn't able to stick to the diet or my exercise today considering im still on my period and craving cake, of all things. So i split a square of carrot cake (that's a "healthier" one right? i mean it DOES have carrots :P) with Shai. I couldn't exercise because i was in too much pain today from cramps. I think my goal will be 104. I know after a whole month i should be able to lose more, but i don't want to stress myself too much. If i lose more than that, great! I think i'll start my jogging tomorrow.
So, about my story...i don't think i ever shared it. How did i get sucked into this online world filled with counting calories and binges? Well, it really was because of 2 things. The first reason was my ex. See, he's pretty tall compared to me (5'8-9" ish?) but really thin because he likes salad for lunch and exercises like a mad man. I asked him what he weighed once and he said 108. I weighed 104-5 around that time. UMMMM HELLO?! he's 5 inches taller and only weighs like 4 pounds more than me! As you would expect, this made me feel like a complete cow. The next one affected me MUCH more. Remember the friend i told about my little walk with ana/ednos? Is it ironic that she's the one who got me started on this? Well, she did. We went to the gym one day and i was on my period, so i wore sweats and a thin baseball T-shirt. I hadn't seen her for a while (it was after winter vacation, and she had been in Tahoe) I felt bad since she had been keeping up her workouts and i hadnt, so i said "Dude, i havent worked out in forever!". Wanna guess what she said? "Yeah, *laugh* i can tell".......................................
You can just imagine how horrible that sounded coming from one of your best friends. she has a habit of not thinking before talking, she's extremely blunt, she totally wont beat around the bush. Most people would call her rude-a smart ass- which she is, but i still love her. Plus, it's not that i gained weight, it's just that shirts fit like shit on me! They never fit to my body right and always end up making me look bigger. So, ever since then ive been tormented by all the fat on my tummy, my thighs, my calves, my back, my hips...my everything.


  1. i know how you feel; my friend did the same to me! i dont think they realise how much it hurts :/ xo.

  2. No bread is hard I agree. Once i stop eating it I can't start again because it's addictive!
    I can't imagine a guy being taller than me and nearly the same weight. I can only imagine how you felt! xx

  3. I know that friend, I have a million of them! and then the second you start to lose weight they freak out and get your case...

    looove your thinspo!

  4. I am like your 'blunt' friend. I am an honest person and to be frank, don't use your friend and your ex as the reason for why you started to blog or blame them for triggering you into it. You did it on your own accord, and what you post is amazing ((: so what I'm trying to say is, people like us, anorexic, or crazy, or whatever people want to freaking label us, we shouldn't have to live up to their expectations. Never. We should be striving for perfection (or whatever your striving for) for ourselves, not for others ((:

    Quinnelle xo