It's been a while...

So, I've been slacking on this whole blogging thing. But with so many activities, school, and my internship, I have even less free time than I did before. I'm so concerned about getting into college, it's been stressing me OUT. I literally can't wait until winter break! (of course, finals come before that)
In actual news, i was doing really fucking well on dieting until thanksgiving. seriously, I never weighed myself but I could tell I was probably under 105, and probably back now, but whatever. I still need to sign up for ballet, which I'm excited for because ballerinas NEED to be thin to dance well. I've been working my ankles like crazy to get them strong. Seeing as how I'm such a perfectionist, my goal is to get on point in less than a year. I know that's crazy, but strong ankles run in the family and I have fierce willpower. I'm the type of person who will dance all night, every night to soar above any competition and....well, crush them. (: Statistics have never stopped me before.
Oh. And seeing as how I'm a complete bitch....*sigh* basically, Eli ended up asking me out. I'm sure you've noticed I'm basically in love with this kid by now. What did I do instead of running into his arms and kissing him? I frowned. I frowned and asked if we could date but not be exclusive. WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?! But luckily he agreed. I wouldn't. I would think I sound like a whore. I just don't want to be tied down right now, i guess...
Scarlett visited from boarding school. She gained a lot of weight...BAHHAAH she went from 87 to 103 pounds. Oh, goodness, so fucking FAT (sarcasm, if you were thick enough to not understand). We did black friday...I bought 2 things. I'm just a lazy cow, I don't have time to wait in long ass lines! We spent 2 AM-6AM sitting in a starbucks catching up, which was nice.
Anywhoodlepoodle, I'll eventually find time to catch up on your blogs. (: Stay thin!

Long Thinspo! Enjoy (:

I'm in a really fucking serendipitous mood after eating only about 300 or less calories today and seeing Eli- so here's a new thinspo!

Got the internship!

I GOT THE INTERNSHIP!!! I can't believe it!! They interviewed me today on the phone and i was so fucking nervous, but apparently they liked what i had to say. It's great because they teach you about marketing and stuff...i'd really like to start a non-profit, but i don't know anything about business, so this is great! Actually, I'm not even sure what kind of NPO i'd want to start....
So that's great. Also, my mom gave me the most amazing compliment today. I stood up after lunch ( a burger from the evil InNOut, i hate to admit) and she totally freaked out. She was like "My girl is disappearing right before me!" She started saying how skinny I've gotten and told me not to be "one of those crazy girls who become anorexic and eat only lettuce for dinner, like on Dr. Phil..." I assured her i wasn't dieting. It made me feel great when she said my tummy was flat (which it isnt...)...Guess what she gave me when i mentioned i wanted to start jogging more? One of those handy-dandy heart rate-calorie monitors! SWEET. So now i'll know how much i burn and i can share it with you guys. I even have a "jump back onto the horse you lazy pathetic person" diet i'm going for next week. the goal will be 150 cals or under a day...FUN TIMES BRO.

I've decided to do ballet after all...my dad said i can only do one class a week until he feels i've really committed. I've been stretching my ankles like crazy. Do you know the secret, subconscious reason I want to try ballet? It's the perfect excuse to lose weight. "Sorry mom, I've just been working so hard in ballet and you do know that i need to be thin in order to perform right." It's brilliant, even better than rhythmic gymnastics (although that's tough too). Hopefully the work pays off! Stay thin everyone :) Hopefully I'll have good news soon!

interning, parties, being fat. The usual.

So the halloween party was AMAZING. Oh, and homecoming was pretty cool too, but a lot of people left early for Keira's party. Turns out that her college brother came with a bunch of his buddies and some extra booze ;) GREAT party favor. Basically, it felt like a swamp with all the bodies mushed up against each other, SO fucking hot. Lots of drinking, puking, smoking, and making out. typical party.

I'm so fucking excited for this next week because i'll finally be getting my permit. Im starting SO much later than i was planning because of the complicated deal with my name and social security blahblahblah. Also, I'm starting to think i might want to do ballet instead of rythmic gym. I mean, Hadar's a ballerina and she's amazing, so she can help me! I dont know if my dad would be willing to pay for it though, considering i usually end up quitting instead of committing.

I hate to say it but i've been eating like the fat pig I am. I had half a slice of carrot cake and one chunk of a chocolate bar (to try it, it was horrific). I have no idea why I haven't stuck to my jogging plan, but i need to get back into the swing of things! BIG NEWS. I completely forgot!! I might be interning for this blog thats really fucking well known. how awesome?! I signed up and theyre interested. I mean, thev've been on CNN, Today show, good morning america, THE WORKS. It's gonna look great on college applications, especially since as of now, I haven't done anything impressive....:(

Best night ever (:

I can't believe it's been like...a week since i've posted! I feel so fat, i did well last week but i've gained weight this week. So much stuff has been going on- it's hard to keep up. I got like 4 shots yesterday. One was for mono, because they aren't sure if i still have it. Apparently that's the reason my spleen is enlarged. Except, until a few weeks ago, i hadn't kissed anyone since last summer...Maybe I've just been hanging with some whores ;)

So I ended up going to Eli's house on Friday. It was AMAZING. So I came in his house (the rents were gone), and he had the lights all low with some shitty old-timer music on. He walked me to the table and had dinner (which he "cooked himself", but we both knew it was Chinese take-out). It was so cute! At the end, he asked me to homecoming, and I basically died. Of course, what's the first thing a horny teenage girl thinks to do? Attack him with my lips, that's what. We ended up in his man cave and we turned on some escape the fate (situations!) to make it hotter. It certainty was. Homecoming is tomorrow (LATE, i know), and i'm superrr excited. I'll tell you how it goes. Plus, afterwards Keira's having her halloween party, so that'll be fun as fuck. I STILL haven't bought my costume yet. I want to be sexy- but not a whore- costume ideas, anyone? I'll post tomorrow if I'm not passed out in Keira's bathroom. (:

Crazy week!

This week was even busier than the last! I wasn't sure if i'd be able to post tonight just because i kind of broke my space bar and typing is fucking pain.
So the doctors actually came up with a few solutions. Apparently, the reason my finger nails, toenails, and lips turn blue and purple is because of something called rinodes syndrome or something like that. It's "pretty common" among teenage girls. They think the pain in my bones is coming from my hyper mobility (basically just means i'm abnormally flexible, although sadly not in my back).So...i guess that's cool? They're sending me to physical therapy because my arms have always been crooked (overly bendable?) and weak.
Last night there was an accident of some sort outside my house. Us being the nosy neighbors we are, watched the whole thing. We still aren't sure what happened, but we heard the woman scream. It was haunting...to see how real death is; how fragile our lives are. I'm sure she'll be fine but i can still hear those screams and moans...
KeeHoon started school with me on Monday. He was shocked to realize how early school gets out here. In Korea,most high school students don't go home until about 9 PM! TORTURE! Him and Keira have been flirting a lot, i'm hoping something will happen there.
Oh, and I'm 109 pounds. I ate like a pig last weekend, so it didn't surprise me. AT LEAST i didn't go over 110! I've been slacking a lot...i ate a pretty big amount today. I'll try harder, it's just that school is so fucking busy these days! Plus, i started drivers ed. (Months late due to this really long and confusing deal with my legal name) I should be getting a permit sometime next week, so that's super exciting and terrifying.
Eli invited me over (just me?!) on Saturday and he didn't tell me why...fuck yeah! hoping for something amazing to happen!

So glad it's a new week.

BUSY BUSY BUSY. UGH. There's always so much to do! But i feel like when I'm gone from this blog for more than 2 days it's because i haven't eaten well like i promised. I've been chowing down like a pig. I had pizza on friday (although it was thincrust), and 2 medium pieces today. Plus i had a roti bun and a korean shaved ice (patbingsoo), plus 4 potstickers. I wouldn't even want to see the total of what i've eaten. I'm so ashamed! I have these phases through this whole ednos thing where as long as i don't see the calories, i sometimes allow myself to eat things I shouldn't.
Even worse, tomorrow I have a rheumatology (sp?) appointment. That's the bone doctor, in case you weren't aware. I've have horrible bone pain in all my limbs since I was 2. The docs always said it was growing pains, but obviously I'm not growing much anymore, yet I still get the pain. Though, not as often as I used to. I'm actually a little excited to see what they think is wrong with me. The only bad part? I have to fucking get weighed. I'm NOT excited. I'm scared I'll be at 115 again and my nightmare will start all over. If I'm not over 110, I'll be happy. But with all the food I've been eating? I doubt it.
My mom never asks me how i feel anymore. Even though i told her i think i have ADHD because: i can't concentrate,  remember anything, school work has been sloppy lately, procrastinate a lot, and it's really hard to not zone people out. My mind runs through like a million things per second! Anyways, i feel like she's pretending it's all ok now. I mean I'm still depressed, still anxious, still get stressed easily, still think i have bipolar tenancies.  I love how parents say stuff like "Oh, tell me anything and we'll find a way to fix the problem." and then they pretend it never happened. They hope it was just a phase.
Parents are dumb like that.

Week of horror is over!

GAH! Where have i been?! i don't even remember the last time i didnt post for 4 freaking days! Before i update you wonderful people, i'd like to let you know that FINALLY got my fat, lazy ass out of bad around 6:30, and was out there freezing my ass of on a jog. (We were basically in a cloud because there was a constant mist. and it was fucking humid, which we never have!)That's right, remember i swore i would start jogging like 3 weeks ago? Finally started on that. Yeah, yeah, im the biggest fucking procrastinator i know. It's a wonder i do so well in school...
I've been really lazy on my food intake. I had a bowl of cereal, some fries (mom brought them home and i caved.sorry.), some leftovers from last night ( Spiced chicken with chickpeas and some couscous), and then a hot pot for dinner today. I made it myself, kind of like shabu shabu except we dont have any of those handy dandy hot plates, so i just made a soup-like thing. I barely ate, i was so proud! I just had like 3 fucking tablespoons of rice or less, some cabbage, 2 mushrooms, green onions, a bit of ground beef, and some noodles. chya! Not too bad, not too bad.
Oh! I ended up finishing all my essays and such, so far i've gotten perfect scores on the ones that i've gotten back.

But now what you really want to hear about: The exchange student from korea!!! His name's KeeHoon and he got here 2 days ago, which was good because Yom Kippur ended on Saturday night and all. So far he's super sweet and nice, a fucking respectful dude. Plus, he's pretty hot. and that's coming from a girl who usually isn't into asian guys. He's got that awesome swooped, typical kpop-style hair. We took him out for Mexican on sunday because he didn't even know what kind of food Mexican was...long story short, he wasn't a fan...Which sort of insulted my mom since she's half hispanic and she's super proud of the food, but she kept her cool. Plus, he speaks English pretty well, like he has an accent and you need to speak a little slower so he can understand, but he's pretty fluent. It's helps that i know some korean :) He actually doesn't start coming to school until monday because he started the exchange student orientation/retreat thing today. 4 days to help explain how things work and to meet other exchange students, they have mini field trips around SanFran everyday this week.. I'm superrrr excited to bring him to school because it'll be a total culture shock!

Anywhoziewhatsits- i oughta hit the sack, maybe even another jog tomorrow!
I promise to catch up on blogs ASAP <33

Food seems to win every time.

I found a new love today! JUICING. I watched that one documentary about the juice fast and it obviously works for people. Plus, so many girls on here have tried the juice thing and lost weight. So i searched everywhere through the cobwebs of yesteryear and re-discovered my magic bullet! I only used it once because, frankly, its shit. But we had to give our juicer back to the woman who gave it to us...(long story xD)

Anywho, i decided it might be a wonderful idea to have juice everyday for lunch. If i did it too often, the famfam would totally notice and i would end up in countless interrogations, hence, NOT GOOD. I figured it would keep me full and i could get in my fruit and veggies for the day.Maybe it'll only last for a while, but i'm making my dad take me to the market this weekend to get produce. It keeps you so full!!

I didn't do so well on calorie intake. I feel like i ignore this blog when i have bad days like this just because it sucks to admit that food won. WOMAN V. FOOD who will win? most likely food considering this [young] woman has the will power of a fat kid in a candy shop. I had 2 small-medium slices of pizza for lunch, and then made a banana-ice-milk-cinnamon-vanilla-mint shake in the magic bullet, half of a choco pie (behold the only chocolate related thing that i could practically trade a kidney for), some caldo de pollo+ beans+ some arizona green tea. Yeahhhh not the greatest day. I dont even want to weigh myself tomorrow...maybe i wont.

I'm so fucking excited for the exchange student to come!! It just sucks i have so much work because i'll barely have time to get to know him. Anyways, ta ta for now chickies!

Stressed the fuck out!

I've been so fucking busy! I thought once last week was over, i'd have almost no work, but boyyy was i ever wrong! I have an essay to write, a grammar test, a math test, 2 honors projects, and 2 essay question assignments. I really regret taking on so many honors classes...UGH. I swear i have no time for anything anymore! Plus, the exchange student should be in this weekend, so i have to help clean up the guest room and everything. Basically, if i don't post for a few days, you know why ;)
AH! i forgot to thank you all sooo much for reading my blog and keeping up with my life. It's so great to have 50 followers and getting to know you all (still working on it!)...thanks so much, i love you all! <3

Food intake wasn't so great today. I had wayyy too much bread :( I've decided that Friday will be my weigh day from now on since i'm alone at home most of the day on fridays. Being so busy has made me really munchy and careless when choosing what to eat. I'll try harder though! Its just so fucking difficult to watch all the happy people around you loving their food YUM OHHH SO GOOD HEY YOU WANT SOME CHIPS, SOME PIZZA, SOME FUCKING FAT?!

I can stay away, i know i can. i need to get my lazy ass out of bed in the mornings and start jogging. i need to get down to 100 at least! I cant lose sight of my dream, i just cant! Remember that you can do anything if you set your mind to it ladies. Sorry for the uneventful posts but there's just so much going on! I'll make sure to catch up on blogs (and this blog!) by this weekend. Love you girls, you keep me strong!

PS- @ Gabby- Yeah, Jews can't celebrate Halloween (well, you aren't supposed to), instead we dress up in costumes on this holiday called "Purim". [:

Good or bad news?

Im not really sure, its not good or bad news! As many of you know, i weighed myself today after a month without weighing. The good news? I didnt gain! woohoo!
The bad news? I'm still at 108 xD
Basically, it means my eating habits are bipolar and i starve a lot when i've been bingeing to make up for it. In a way, it's a good thing just because i'm still at where i was a month ago, i still get that fresh start without torturing myself for gaining. im excited to lose weight and to get that body i've always wanted!
This got me thinking... do you think we could lose weight if we actually planned out binges? As many of us know, eating more than usual every once in a while gets metabolisms crankin. Im wondering if i could plan a binge every 2 weeks or so... not only would it boost my metabolism again, but i could also deal with my cravings. Maybe it could help eliminate binges all together because you'd be looking forward to that one day in every 14 that you can pig out. Maybe im wrong and you'd gain weight. Its just a thought! If the rentals werent watching me like hawks and buying me junk, i'd love to try this out on myself as an experiment for you all. To see if it worked or not, you know? I hope you're all doing really well and reaching your goals! I'm here for any of you if you need support :)

Last day.

You may be confused by the picture on this post, but trust me, i actually know where im going with this one. Sometimes, i swear im a camel. I'll just give you a moment to take that in....

haha no, but in all seriousness, i have a water drinking problem. I can go days with only a few sips of water. Sometimes, i even go days without drinking. I feel like my body has this amazing ability to store water like a fucking camel. Except, instead of humps, the stuff is stored in my wondrously large fat deposits.
Today was pretty uneventful. Sadly, i have some bad news. See, when i do good things and excel, my parents love taking the whole family out for a treat. Today, i came home and shared that i was only 1 of 2 people who got a perfect score on the English essay assignments i talked about a while ago. They ended up taking me out, as expected. I was doing SO well at lunch, i wasn't even hungry, so i was just going to fast at least until dinner. My mom brought home subway sandwiches, i caved and had half. Yeah, yeah, i realize i have pretty much no ability to say "NO". When we went out, i got a roti bun (totally delicious, a guilty pleasure of mine), which is probably really high in calories :(
I can't believe i'll have to weigh myself tomorrow...it makes me SICK just thinking about it. I'll try really hard to go on a jog and at least burn off a bit of weight before the big reveal. I just have a feeling i gained, i wouldnt even be surprised if i was back at my original 115...but everyday is a new one. I just have to remember that i can control that huge evil number. I might post pictures if i lost weight. I made a promise long ago to post some once i get down to 100, if i happen to be at 105 i'll post them fo sho! Good luck girls, i think we all need it :)