Wednesday, June 20, 2012

I'm sorry, so sorry...

I over ate today. There's basically nothing more to it. I ate a slice of flan for lunch and got hungry again, so i made plain ol' leek broth. for dinner, i ate some tomato sauce with a slice of bread (excluding the crust). As if i didn't feel guilty enough about the flan (considering i don't even know how many calories were in it!), i decided it was a great idea to eat a piece of sandwich bread with peanut butter spread on. I should really at least go back and get the bread that's only 90 calories a slice, it's not AS bad. That's what i ate on vaction for a week when i weighed 102. One slice of bread with some processed cheese and salami. Except, i'd stop there, so in reality, it was a very small amount of food- yet really satisfying!
I burned almost 200 calories and that's it. why? I got shin splints after 15 minutes on the treadmill. At least, that's what my mom says they are. I basically just feel shitty about myself today. Tomorrow, i need to go back to my old apple, miso soup, rice, and veggies diet. It worked quite nicely for about a week! My tummy just can't take the gluten anymore...i'm pretty positive that's why i've been in so much pain.
On the other hand, i feel great because i'm starting to feel guilty about eating anything and everything again! That's always the first step. Once you form that guilt reflex to eating, you just can't help but eat less and work out more. Too bad i can't work out for a couple days, lucky lucky me! I'm going to do a pilates dvd and then maybe a yoga dvd...that way i dont feel TOO horrendous.
I'll post again soon, probably an article filled with more teen angst, lust, and rage. Are you getting excited already? Honestly, you should calm down a bit.

Keep up your great work! Hey, i'm trying to be positive here...

Sunday, June 17, 2012

I sold my soul and happy fathers day!

Before I get to the personal stuff (so you can leave if you dont care), i'll go ahead and tell you that i basically haven't stuck to either of my diets this week.On the bright side, i've worked out for at least half an hour every day this week, which is a start, i guess. Today was by far my worst day. I ate 2 small slices of pizza for lunch and for dinner....hold on to you chairs, ladies, i had ihop. Yup. corn, mashed potatoes, meat and onions, AND a pancake loaded with syrup. Needless to say, i feel awful about it. It was only 700 something calories!! I only exercised for about 45 minutes, burning about 360 calories. Although, it was so fucking HOT today, i'm pretty sure i sweated off the rest of those damn things. I went hiking in 100 degree weather, gross! then we went down south to enjoy the beach and ran around there.

Ok, so...i basically just signed up to get my lady bits violated. Remember L? yeah, well apparently i decided it was a fantastic idea to go to the movies. this got blown out of hand due to my horny nature at 3 in the morning...and, he wants to "hook up."  I told him he could do whatever he wanted. ohhh boy. I'm not even attracted to him, i'm just doing it because i'm desperate and i know he's been dying to get physical with me since middle school. I've always had a soft spot for him...he's like one of those people who is PERFECT for you except for one thing. I love his personality, his body, i can tell him anything! too bad he's not attractive at all. Poor thing has been breaking out pretty badly recently, i feel like he'd look decent without it. This situation gets more confusing every day...i'm digging myself into a pit of regret. but is it worth it to rid myself of sexual tension? I have no clue.

On the bright side, he gave me on of the best compliments ever: "you're so fucking skinny! it's amazing."
Made me cry, because it's not true. But, it's the thought that counts :)

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Guess what? I worked out. I know, you're shocked.

Guess what? I actually worked out today. Crazy, right? Well it could just be because I had mall quality mongolian BBQ for lunch and, for dinner, a fucking pizza hut personal pizza. Oh, and two twix bars. The twix gave me 500 calories, and i have no clue about the other stuff. But for once, i actually feel accomplished. I might've burned it all off! I walked 8.24 miles on the treadmill, burned 329 fat calories, and 1042 calories. That's pretty fucking great, if i do say so myself. :]
Sadly, that came at a cost. I was on that damn machine for probably over 2 hours, and my heels started to bleed. Not to mention the fact that i felt a drip of sweat fall down my nose. Ew, gross, i know. go ahead and ignore that. I put band aids on my cuts, and i was so sweaty, they slid off. Yeah, i worked it pretty hard.
Planning to return to my soup diet tomorrow to get my stomach back on track. Ever since memorial day ive been over eating and never feeling full, never feeling hungry. so, an apple a day plus a can of progresso french onion soup, and my total calories clock in at around 180 per day. I'll try my best to stick to it for a week.
I'm planning to burn at least double the calories i eat in a day. That'll teach me to keep from reaching for those fatty pieces of cheese and bread.
Speaking of bread...I think my stomach may be acting up because of it. I mean, i think i might be hyper-sensitive to gluten. That would actually be a fantastic thing, considering breads and pastas are what tempt me, instead of chocolate or sweets like normal people!
I have so much more to say, but i'll just post again tomorrow. Hope this motivated at least one of you to get you ass to the gym! ;) It's bikini season, ladies. Let's show them how great we look...even if you still have some work to do, work harder, it's the only way... Tomorrow's also my weigh in, stay tuned. *cringe*