Friday, September 2, 2011

My X and a short thinspo.

As promised, some insight on my life. So, lets start with my relationship backstory. So my x, E, and i went on that whole "washington DC" 8th grade trip with our class. we had never spoken a word to each other until my birthday on the trip(ironic?), but we clicked and he asked me out 2 weeks later at our dance. i felt so...giddy all the time. You have to realize a very important point in all this: I went to a PRIVATE school for jr.high. So there's no PDA, and unless your parents let you talk with the "public schoolers", you were extremely sheltered. Sure, people were dating ALL the time, but you couldnt kiss or hold hands or anything. Although our relationship was good, there was one problem: he never fucking touched me. he was more on the shy side when we were dating, yet really outgoing BEFORE we dated. He put his arm around me only for pictures. my friends didnt help, being the immature little girls i always knew they were. they would set up "plans" for me to get closer to them. They FORCED us to hold hands and to kiss (none of them had kissed anyone before, i was a bit of a loser in jr.high). Can you say awkward? It was amazing the first time i kissed him, little electric shots went up and down my spine.  His lips were always soft, never cracked. Just perfect. but we only kissed after school because of the PDA thing. i told him he was totally allowed to touch whatever way he wanted to. But he never did, and i asked him why once. being the creep that i am, i saved our fb messages so i wouldnt mix up what really happened with my imagination. He said "idk...theres just...something about you that makes me nervous" or something like that. i swear, like 4 guys have told me the same thing. it was honestly just a weird yet amazing relationship. he even said he loved me (i think) in his own, round about way. he was teaching me some norwegian and when he tested me on the words, i obviously plugged them into the translator. i got them all right and he said "Well if you can get those right, then you should get this one too: Jeg elskar eg (sp?)" (he hadnt taught me this one before) it means i love you. maybe he really was just trying to teach me more, but the way he typed it...he's just not good at expressing his feelings. basically, it was great while it lasted, but we broke up about a year ago in late august because i ended up going to public school and he lives in another city. It was pretty mutual, but he brought it up first and it nearly killed me that he was thinking we should break up too. He ended up with this bitchy girl for about a month. Apparently he flipped out on her and broke it up because she kept complaining he didnt give her enough attention. HAH i was with him for 6 months, it made me feel like i won some secret game. Even more than that, we never got in a fight throughout the whole relationship. not even one! He would never had yelled at me like that, i cant even imagine him yelling. Anyways, that was boring and long- but now you know,  this has caused me a LOT of trauma this past year.

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