Thursday, September 1, 2011

Feeling Worthless.

Do you ever feel like youre worthless? That's how i feel today. I've always wondered what it would be like to would be a beautiful silence, an endless rest that nobody can wake you from. what would it be like to know youre dying... that your time is slowly running out? dying pisses me off, to be frank. people will  lean over you coffin, covered with an array of flowers. Your parents and close family might be crying and telling the crowd what an amazing person you were. Your friends would get over it pretty fast. Your family might have it hard for a year or so...but then, everyone moves on to some extent. i know its good to move on and not dwell in the past, but eventually everyone will forget about you, in a way. I feel so worthless....if i really was a special person in their lives, they should be crying for me everyday, because each day i am no longer there. i know how horrible that sounds, selfish and cruel. But its trully how i feel. I just cant live knowing that i had a relationship with someone, something happened to seperate us, and we forget each other. I cant bare knowing someone doesnt give a shit about me anymore. I have a problem with being stuck in the past, i can't move on! Sometimes i think im mental...i end up convincing myself that something happened when it didnt. Sometimes i dream it and sometimes its a daydream, but either way, i confuse reality and fantasy. I get attached to people really easily. I can't tell you how much ive cried over people of my past that moved on without me. I just cant bare it! Maybe thats why i hate relationships...i cant live knowing we once had something, and now its like it never happened.

      It breaks my heart to know that someone has forgotten me....                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       Like glass that is shattered, the shards of my soul lay on the floor
I stand there, embracing the trickle of blood on my hands, knowing i cant turn back time
Though i am surrounded by people, nobody notices my pain
They move on, leaving me alone to fend for myself
I broke the glass because I want them to notice
Once glass is broken, you cannot mend the pieces back together

I am broken
There is no fixing this mess
I know im no poet, but sometimes you just feel like expressing yourself in way others might be able to understand...

1 comment:

  1. That honestly made me cry. I totally feel like that all the time and I really hate knowing people used to care, but no longer do. It destroys me. I'm a broken mess and I guess i've convinced myself that losing weight will prevent people from doing that to me. It isn't logical but its my way of coping I suppose. The peace and serene being of death sounds beautiful. I really hate to say this but experiencing that seems almost worth it.. all the pain and whatnot. Maybe i'm just typing crazy shit or maybe i'm just a deeply depressed soul, either way it is what it is. I'm glad you posted <3