Sunday, October 16, 2011

So glad it's a new week.

BUSY BUSY BUSY. UGH. There's always so much to do! But i feel like when I'm gone from this blog for more than 2 days it's because i haven't eaten well like i promised. I've been chowing down like a pig. I had pizza on friday (although it was thincrust), and 2 medium pieces today. Plus i had a roti bun and a korean shaved ice (patbingsoo), plus 4 potstickers. I wouldn't even want to see the total of what i've eaten. I'm so ashamed! I have these phases through this whole ednos thing where as long as i don't see the calories, i sometimes allow myself to eat things I shouldn't.
Even worse, tomorrow I have a rheumatology (sp?) appointment. That's the bone doctor, in case you weren't aware. I've have horrible bone pain in all my limbs since I was 2. The docs always said it was growing pains, but obviously I'm not growing much anymore, yet I still get the pain. Though, not as often as I used to. I'm actually a little excited to see what they think is wrong with me. The only bad part? I have to fucking get weighed. I'm NOT excited. I'm scared I'll be at 115 again and my nightmare will start all over. If I'm not over 110, I'll be happy. But with all the food I've been eating? I doubt it.
My mom never asks me how i feel anymore. Even though i told her i think i have ADHD because: i can't concentrate,  remember anything, school work has been sloppy lately, procrastinate a lot, and it's really hard to not zone people out. My mind runs through like a million things per second! Anyways, i feel like she's pretending it's all ok now. I mean I'm still depressed, still anxious, still get stressed easily, still think i have bipolar tenancies.  I love how parents say stuff like "Oh, tell me anything and we'll find a way to fix the problem." and then they pretend it never happened. They hope it was just a phase.
Parents are dumb like that.

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