100th Post! Fantasy Thinspo!

First, I just wanted to thank anyone who reads my blog, even if you haven't "followed" me :)
Coming to post 100 means I've been dealing with this whole thing for a while, so thanks for the support- especially those of you who were there for since day one. This is for you. <3

Sincerely, in need of exercise...

Why am I thinking of exercise today?
Because my mom decided it was a great idea to get burger king for breakfast. What's even worse than that? The fact that while I stuffed my face with grease, we had pre-cut chunks of watermelon sitting in the fridge. Yeah, horrible I know. I ended up eating 2 french toast sticks and about 4 mini hash browns. Luckily, I wasn't even allowed to eat the sandwich once my mom realized she accidentally ordered ones with bacon, which we don't eat, obviously. woohoo! 
I actually ended up never joining ballet because I'm going to take it at a community college. The problem is that now i need something to do! So I think I'm just going to do gymnastics again, even though I really love dance. Gymnastics should help me regain my flexibility. Sadly, I can't even start until my wrist heals (I twisted it). I wanted to start yoga to increase flexibility. Anyone who knows me knows that I've always wanted to learn contortion, but that I never get very far because it takes a lot of time.
Huhhh...I have 2 articles due for journalism and and essay due for english this week...so i'm stressed and breaking out a bit. I'm volunteering at the library 2 times this week, so im BUSYBUSYBUSY. See you lovely people later.
Oh, and what do YOU do for exercise? Let me know ;)

It's hard getting back in the swing of things!

I certainly haven't been starving myself recently...
Last night, I had corned beef for dinner. I'm not gonna lie, it was mouth-watering-ly delicious! I also had a shamrock shake from McDonalds for the first time.  It was ok, but thankfully i'm not craving another one.

Something horrible happened last night, though. I had a dream about E, my ex, which just makes me want him THAT much more. I literally haven't talked to him in a year, but I never get over guys easily. Never have never will, it's like a curse. I'm going to my old school's musical tonight with my family- and i hate to say it, but...I wish he'd go. Even if we don't talk, I would just like to see him in person again (haven't for some months now). What I would hate to see is his GF on his arm. That would piss me off! I'm not sure how long they've been together, but i think it's been off and on for a year or more. They were best friends since middle school, and I was always jealous of their connection.
UGH. I hate guys. They just suck. I just remember us liking each other SO much...and then i ruined it...psh typical. Trust me, I've tried locking up those feelings and memories deep inside me, locked in a box. But it never works, no matter how hard I try.

The worst part is...the fact that i'm dating Eli and having these crazy feelings for someone else who probably doesn't care anymore whether I'm dead or alive.

On the bright side, I think I'll just have fruit for dinner. For me, starving is my outlet, it's like cutting myself. Causing that pain and desire for food makes me forget about all the stress and problems in my life... Well, time to go off and write an essay! whoop. ee.

I'm back...hopefully

I can't believe how long it's been since i last posted! I haven't been keeping up with you guys, and for that i'm sorry. I'm not going to make excuses (even though i AM insanely busy), I simply slacked off. I post here when i feel skinny- when i feel like i've made progress. But for these last couple months...i dont know... I just fell off the wagon! I just feel so fat, and it seems like I get fatter every day. I literally haven't counted any calories in 3 or 4 months. SLACKER, i know. I mean, when I was really dedicated and focused, I would eat jello for lunch and a small rice bowl filled with some rice and veggies for dinner. No bread, no meat: simply SKINNY EATING. Now, I eat whatever I want and however much i want and i feel horrible. I'm trying...
In other news, I'm still with Eli, although I don't feel in love with him like i did before. Not sure where that will go! In april, my dad's taking me to chicago to look at some universities there and visit some family. In summer, we'll be going to the east coast for the same purpose. I got a volunteer job at the library, which is pretty fun. I don't have time to get a job until summer...can't take community college courses until next school year.

So yeah. you're pretty much caught up now! Months ago, i was working on a thinspiration, so hopefully i'll be back on here in a couple days to post it! :)
Good luck ladies...

My stats...*cringe*

thck= thickest part of ____
thn= thinnest part of ____
Ok guys, these are the measurements and weights of...well, me. I know they're awful! But I finally decided that I can't just keep putting it off, it's just better that I know. It certainly makes me want to starve and work my ass off!
thck butt- 35 in
thn waist- 26in          <---- Victoria Beckham is a 23in waist!! :O
forearm- 7 3/4 in
upper arm- 9 in
wrist- 5 3/4 in
thck, thn calve- 12 1/2 in, 8 in
thck, thn thigh- 20 in, 14 in
hips (like where pants and underwear usually come to)- 32 in
rib cage (right below bust)- 29 in
Weight- 108.2
I'm not sure how tall I am, because they usually say i'm 5'3.5", but last time they measured me as 5'3". ummm did i seriously SHRINK?
and i just measured myself and seemed to get about 5'3.75", so basically my BMI should be between 18.6 and 18.9.
a BMI of under 18.5 is UNDERWEIGHT. am i actually suppose to believe that? I am NOT close to being underweight!!
My first goal is, again, 105, which will give me a BMI of 18
Then, my goal is 100, which will give me a BMI of 17.2!!!
(If i consider myself 5'4", that is)


So, there you have it. I've completely revealed myself to you all! It actually feels a bit nice to have everything out in the open, but i still feel like a fucking whale. Oh well xD
Stay strong ladies!

Runway Thinspo!

I feel like EVERYBODY does real girl thinspos recently. But you know what? Runway models are pros at staying perfect and thin! I think they're just amazing photos, and super inspiring. The thing is that these girls are "real" too. If they can do it, we should all be able to too! Did you hear that? YOU can do this, girlfriend!

It's been a while!

Hey guys, it's been a while! I'm planning a thinspo shortly so stay tuned :D
Not much has happened since I last updated. I'm still with Eli, still fat...still hungry. I've eaten like a pig over New Years! Hanukkah sucked this year because it just HAD to be during finals week. I was so fucking behind in my classes, it was unreal. I basically had no life for exactly a week. I pulled study sessions from 6 AM to Midnight. I was so stressed and tired that I was simply...NOT hungry (for once). The idea of food just made me sick! Even my portions were small after that week. Even so, I still got all A's, which is great! I haven't weighed myself in FOREVER, and frankly, I'm too terrified to step on that scale. I was looking fantastic on my study week, and now I'm back to my normal, over eating self. Luckily, holidays are over and I'll try to correct my bad habits. I actually wanted to try going vegan this year (6 days out of the week, to keep myself from going insane), but like starving, it's a bit hard to do when everyone in your house doesn't follow your rules. So, I don't think I will. It's not like my mom would cook vegan for dinner, she hates tofu! My goal is still 100 pounds.I haven't even been watching what i eat for like a whole month! I need to come back to my haven (this blog community). Does anyone know of any diets that work well and are easy to get away with/ hide? Let me know ^_^ Have a fantastic new year ladies! Stay Thin <3