Saturday, June 1, 2013

I'm slowly healing

First of all, thank you so much to those of you that offered your words of wisdom and love, I really appreciate it! I told his best friend to tell my ex happy birthday. He said that my ex has been really off lately and he's not sure what's going on, I noticed it too a week ago. He didn't actually know why we broke up, so I explained to him all that about "I just don't think I should be in a relationship right now" and "I'm going through a lot of shit and i really don't want to talk about it, it's embarrassing." He told me that if he were to guess why the breakup happened, it's probably because my ex he thinks he isn't good enough.
That just kills me. He's very troubled, and has survived suicide 2 or 3 times so I know he actually is very hurt and struggling at home and within his own head, but wouldn't letting me go end up hurting him more? This is why I'm frustrated; I don't understand his reasoning.
After I saw the way he looked opposite of his friends and watched me yesterday on and off all through lunch, I'm not going to give up on him until he literally says to my face that he doesn't want me. Why? Because if I were in his position, I wouldn't want him to give up on me either. I think that may be what he needs, he needs someone to fight for him. I could be very wrong, but I don't believe that he lost his feelings for me.
I haven't been exercising due to finals and all, but next week I think I'm going to start again. Thanks to the break up, I've really lost my appetite and because by stomach is so uneasy and nervous at school, food really makes me feel sick. On Thursday, I had and apple for lunch and a plain milk tea (small size, of course!) for dinner with a small sweet bun. Yesterday, I had an apple for lunch and ramen at a ramen shop for dinner, of which something like 70% is broth, so I'm really not kicking myself for that. It is weird if I say that I can already tell I look less bloated? Pictures may come soon. Good luck with your progress, ladies! I promise I will be ok (:


  1. I'm sure your ex doesn't really understand his reasoning either. Depression is very serious and hurts not only the person suffering but the people around them. He may be pushing you and his friends away without even realizing it.

    When I get into a relationship I do similar things. I will push and push, almost wanting the person to grab me in more. Instead I end up lonely, alone. With my last relationship I really just wish he would show up at my house and want me back. I pray and wish, but that doesn't make it happen. I would do so much for a second chance. Then again, he would have to change to be with me and I don't know if he is willing to do that.

    In the end, it takes two. Two people to make something, and two people to break it. I wish you the best, and stay strong through finals and the heartbreak. It hurts and I don't know if it will make you stronger, but it will be an experience never-the-less.

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