IM SO STRESSED!

Intake:
I have no idea how many calories i took in today! I had 1/2 an apple, 2 mini meatballs with some rice, and some beans with 1 enchilada.
I probably took in a lot, but i plan to only eat an apple and something else tomorrow. plus, im going to run :)

ANYWHO. My dad almost found my thinspo stash today! He had to fix my printer's scanner for one of my assignments and when i walked in he was trying to find where the scanned PDFs would be. i was like FUCK!!! So i said, its ok dad ill find it later, it probably will tell me where it placed the thing. I haven't been hiding my thinspo pics, theyre there when you click "my pictures". who knows if he saw them!

We went out for mexican food tonight and it sucked mad balls. Not only because it's so fattening, but the whole place was just a mess and the food wasnt very good. I contemplated purging up the food...but truth be told, ive never actually forced a puke. It just grosses me out! I also dont know any tricks or, really, anything about doing it at all! I have 2 essays due next week and im stressed beyond belief. ive been really lazy and i feel so overwhelmed! I can't WAIT until tomorrow when i can hopefully start the week well :)

Stupid Saturday and a big thanks :)

First off, i just want to say thank you to all you guys. I was just way too embarrassed to keep the pictures up, im just too fat...you girls are all so amazing and supportive and i just wanted to say THANKS again :)

E (my ex) is in his new girlfriend's profile picture on facebook...with her arms around him and he's holding her arm. WTF. It just pisses me off because he never took pictures like that with me and he never touched me like that! Even worse, Harper fucking liked the picture. Maybe i'm just juvenile, but it's a big deal to me! She's a fucking horrible friend. she knows ill always like him, and yet she goes and basically "likes" there relationship. UGH.

Anyway, i got super inspired last night. I watched a bunch of ana documentaries on youtube. I especially liked the one called "the truth about online anorexia" or something like that. It's hilarious to watch because it's so true. All the host does is complain about how hard it is not eating. We really do take this online world seriously. For me, i know its my only way to get support, and i think we all need that. It's a competitive outlet, honestly. When you see another girl losing weight youre like "FUCK i need to fast tomorrow to catch up"

I planned out a route to jog in my neighborhood. its exactly a mile. im planning to train myself to run again, and maybe itll help tone my legs and abs. Im so excited to try it out! Ill start monday. Since i only have a couple weeks before the weigh in, i need all the exercise i can get! And knowing me, i'll over do it and end up pasing out...but i really dont fucking care :]

What would i do without you all? :) YOU INSPIRE ME, YES, YOU!

My hideous body...

Intake:
l: 1/2 of another one of those sandwiches i had yesterday- 150 cals ish
d: mandu soondubu chigae (thats korean spicy stew with dumplings and tofu)- i have noooo idea ill say 300
total: 450? i could be totally wrong about the soup...
                                                                                                                                                                        
I can't believe i'm actually doing this, but these are pictures of my body, in all its disgustingness. dont be too hard on my chunk of lard (i'm a poet and i don't even know it....i must be tired haha) I know i have pretty much the most disgusting figure ever and ill never have a nice one, but whatever. its because my hips are pretty narrow, im definitely no hourglass figure! Any fat on that short torso of mine shows up like CRAZY.
Also, i had to take these with a shit mirror in my garage so nobody would catch me taking them. sorry about the mess :)
So, here it goes...

I swear my mom is trying to kill me.

Intake:
l: 1/2 a sandwich- i have NO idea. i'll guess 150 cals
snack: 2 pickles with mustard- 0 cals
d: caramel mochiatto (short)-100 cals
anddd homemade pita chips with spice dip- 50 cals
the other half of that damn sandwich...- 150 cals ish
total: 450?

Ok, i wasn't gonna have the other half of the sandwich, but i thought i was going to the gym and i wouldve burned like 400 cals +!! Sadly, the vampire diaries premiere was on...and THEN they go and decide to air the premiere of the secret circle. WTF now i have to work out before dinner on thursdays! Although, it was kind of worth it haha Ok, but seriously, my mom is literally trying to kill me. See, i usually eat lunch after school gets out so i dont have to eat that horrid stuff in the cafeteria they call "food". Today she decided that pizza would be nice. NO NO NO NO im sure its at least 400 calories. AT LEAST. luckily, i avoided it and she got sandwiches instead. Still not the lowest cal thing, but whatever. and THEN she fucking brings home a doughnut for me. NO NO NO NO! i was able to resist the wonderful gooeyness...i planned on only having coffee for dinner. I love how great my plans turn out. I feel like a fucking porker, like a little piggy some fat hungry guy with a hairy ass is chasing. *shiver*

oh, and just wondering...how many calories do you think someone my size would burn in a 10 minute mile (jogging) ? If anyone knows, go ahead and let me know ;)

so i'm a whore but you arent? cool.

Intake:

b: Trix cereal (very rare i have this!) with nonfat milk- 80 cals

l: pelmeni dumplings+ chicken broth- 70 cals

d: pizza...3 thin slices- ill just go with 200

pig out: 1 blueberry scone- approx 86 cals

total: 436 - Ive had better days...

Today was pretty shit. Turns out Carter did see me and Eli kiss and he wasn't happy about it. He basically called me a whore. "all you do is hop from guy to guy, you keep lying to everybody"

UGH.

It's not like me and him have ever dated. I know he does have real feelings for me, but i just use him as my backup, i just dont like him like that. i got pissed and just walked away. We aren't speaking, which i don't really mind. I just hate all this drama! Is he right, though? Am i really lying to everybody? Maybe...I mean, i make myself out to be this happy go lucky girl who's usually in a good mood. I don't catfight or anything, i would say im a pretty friendly person. But i guess nobody really knows the truth except for all you wonderful ladies :)

Also, i'm pretty sure Shai has a vibrator.

It's kind of hilarious. Where the hell did she get it? Are there vibrator dealers? where can i find one? haha

I just heard this weird buzzing sound...

I know my mom has 3. It's really gross when you suddenly come across your mom's "sex drawer", toys, and porn stash. YEAH...awkwarddd