Thursday, May 30, 2013

I'm Broken.

I don't even know where to go from here...
My boyfriend broke up with me on our 2 month anniversary, 2 days ago. We were into each other for 3 months, and we were both so mature and moved very fast. I know this will probably be irrelevant to me once ive healed but he just meant so much to me.
I gave him my virginity, too early. once i did that, i could tell our relationship would crumble, things were much more serious and difficult. Recently I've been depressed because I've lost so many friends, and I feel like i bored him because of that. It was out of the blue, I really wasn't expecting it. He seemed so nonchalant about it, like he never even cared. He claims it's because of his personal shit going on that he's refused to tell me about because "it's too embarrassing" and that he just doesnt think he should be in a relationship right now. While I know this is true, I feel like if you truly care for someone, you would be willing to keep them even through your rough patches.
I was doing so well until I smoked today, that always bring my pain back up to the surface. I constantly choke back my tears. The worst part is i have no closure. I don't know if he was just being honest or if that was his excuse for not liking me anymore. I feel worthless, like nobody will ever love me. This was a serious relationship, we were already talking about senior prom next year and going to concerts in the fall. It was my fault- I allowed us to move way to fast. I'm assuming that he didn't mean to have sex with me and leave because he isn't that kind of guy, but it happened anyway. I guess for him there was nothing left after that. I asked if it was permanent or if he just needed space and he said "Well, maybe once all this shit is over..." So I'm left on a cliffhanger, awesome. I'm trying so hard not to expect him to come running back. I loved him, I didn't know what that meant before but I would do anything to make him happy.

The only bright side to this? I really have no appetite and am getting closer to so many people who I never really valued in my life before.
Sorry for this rant, but I'm just so alone.


  1. I'm so sorry for your loss. Relationships are so hard and they have a way of tearing us up inside when they end. A couple months ago my boyfriend broke up with me, partly because of me, and partly because of him. I still wear the necklace he got me for Christmas just because I can't seem to let him go, even though I should.

    Stay strong through this and be happy that you loved, and there can never be new beginnings without endings. I was in the shower about 5 minutes ago and thought that. If things don't end, nothing new can ever begin.

  2. You are never alone. You have all of us here. And just because we are online, it doesnt mean we are not real friends.

    We accept each other in good and in bad. We don't judge each other. That is a real friend!

    Stay strong, beautiful.

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