Tuesday, May 21, 2013

I'm Back, I Hope

Do you ever just want to kill everyone around you? Am I the only one who gets fed up with the fake and changing people in this world? I'm tired of it. Sick and tired. It's gotten to the point where I'm not even sure why certain people piss me off...I'm just drowning in the sadness and hate. 
I've been gone for probably a year or so from this blog, but it seems to be the only place where people won't judge me for expressing myself. I haven't stuck to an exercise routine and haven't been eating well at all, but my inner ana comes out to say hi every so many months. I suddenly notice all the shit I'm putting into my body. 
I moved schools this semester and the friends I made at first began to ask me if I have an eating disorder because I would never eat during the day (at least not in front of anyone). Do you know how HAPPY it made me that for once people noticed my suffering and struggles? Of course, I denied it, and now they've seen me eat enough times for their superstitions to be stomped.
I have a boyfriend now, and that's causing me to revert to the depressed and fat person I used to be, although I don't think she ever left. I want to have a better body for him, so I'm trying to force myself back into this secret world so I can actually make progress for once. So many of you have abandoned your blogs like I did, but I can never forget what I've learned here and the progress that I documented is precious, because it IS possible to lose weights, guys, it is. You just need to be strong and stick to your diets and exercise for long enough! 

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