Happy Birthday to me...?

It's that wonderful time of year again. You know, the day you're basically forced to sit there and eat your heart out? Luckily, I managed to get out out a birthday cake this year again, considering I abhor the taste and texture of cake. But, the rents felt that I still needed a nice dessert, so they're just taking me for froyo. Hey, at least it's not THAT many calories.

I always dreamed I'd have a huge sweet sixteen party like my sisters did. But do I really have enough people to invite? No. This was my second year in public school, and although I have some good friends...I just don't know very many people still. I can't invite my old friends anyway, seeing as how they ignore me and leave me out of everything. 

So, Dinner with the family then...

Adding on to the pile of shit that is my life, I got a copy of my transcript. I found out that in 9th grade I got a B in PE. How the FUCK do you get a B in PE? Worst of all? That son of a bitch teacher lied to me. He told me I had a B, so I freaked out and asked how I could change it. I stayed after school for that ass hat. He said he'd consider raising me to an A. Wanna know why he gave me a B? Because I "missed too much school and never made up the work." Nobody fucking told me you could make it up. It's not my fault I'm sickly. When they showed me my grades that year, I only had 1 B in biology. where the fuck did this new grade come from?!

Needless to say, I'm pissed. My parents are going to kill me once they find out that I didn't pass the california high school exit exam ( which means i have to take that damn thing AGAIN). oh, and not to mention, because of this new B, I no longer have a 4.0 GPA. I have a 3.93. My life sucks.

Yeah, happy birthday to me.

100th Post! Fantasy Thinspo!

First, I just wanted to thank anyone who reads my blog, even if you haven't "followed" me :)
Coming to post 100 means I've been dealing with this whole thing for a while, so thanks for the support- especially those of you who were there for since day one. This is for you. <3

Sincerely, in need of exercise...

Why am I thinking of exercise today?
Because my mom decided it was a great idea to get burger king for breakfast. What's even worse than that? The fact that while I stuffed my face with grease, we had pre-cut chunks of watermelon sitting in the fridge. Yeah, horrible I know. I ended up eating 2 french toast sticks and about 4 mini hash browns. Luckily, I wasn't even allowed to eat the sandwich once my mom realized she accidentally ordered ones with bacon, which we don't eat, obviously. woohoo! 
I actually ended up never joining ballet because I'm going to take it at a community college. The problem is that now i need something to do! So I think I'm just going to do gymnastics again, even though I really love dance. Gymnastics should help me regain my flexibility. Sadly, I can't even start until my wrist heals (I twisted it). I wanted to start yoga to increase flexibility. Anyone who knows me knows that I've always wanted to learn contortion, but that I never get very far because it takes a lot of time.
Huhhh...I have 2 articles due for journalism and and essay due for english this week...so i'm stressed and breaking out a bit. I'm volunteering at the library 2 times this week, so im BUSYBUSYBUSY. See you lovely people later.
Oh, and what do YOU do for exercise? Let me know ;)

It's hard getting back in the swing of things!

I certainly haven't been starving myself recently...
Last night, I had corned beef for dinner. I'm not gonna lie, it was mouth-watering-ly delicious! I also had a shamrock shake from McDonalds for the first time.  It was ok, but thankfully i'm not craving another one.

Something horrible happened last night, though. I had a dream about E, my ex, which just makes me want him THAT much more. I literally haven't talked to him in a year, but I never get over guys easily. Never have never will, it's like a curse. I'm going to my old school's musical tonight with my family- and i hate to say it, but...I wish he'd go. Even if we don't talk, I would just like to see him in person again (haven't for some months now). What I would hate to see is his GF on his arm. That would piss me off! I'm not sure how long they've been together, but i think it's been off and on for a year or more. They were best friends since middle school, and I was always jealous of their connection.
UGH. I hate guys. They just suck. I just remember us liking each other SO much...and then i ruined it...psh typical. Trust me, I've tried locking up those feelings and memories deep inside me, locked in a box. But it never works, no matter how hard I try.

The worst part is...the fact that i'm dating Eli and having these crazy feelings for someone else who probably doesn't care anymore whether I'm dead or alive.

On the bright side, I think I'll just have fruit for dinner. For me, starving is my outlet, it's like cutting myself. Causing that pain and desire for food makes me forget about all the stress and problems in my life... Well, time to go off and write an essay! whoop. ee.

I'm back...hopefully

I can't believe how long it's been since i last posted! I haven't been keeping up with you guys, and for that i'm sorry. I'm not going to make excuses (even though i AM insanely busy), I simply slacked off. I post here when i feel skinny- when i feel like i've made progress. But for these last couple months...i dont know... I just fell off the wagon! I just feel so fat, and it seems like I get fatter every day. I literally haven't counted any calories in 3 or 4 months. SLACKER, i know. I mean, when I was really dedicated and focused, I would eat jello for lunch and a small rice bowl filled with some rice and veggies for dinner. No bread, no meat: simply SKINNY EATING. Now, I eat whatever I want and however much i want and i feel horrible. I'm trying...
In other news, I'm still with Eli, although I don't feel in love with him like i did before. Not sure where that will go! In april, my dad's taking me to chicago to look at some universities there and visit some family. In summer, we'll be going to the east coast for the same purpose. I got a volunteer job at the library, which is pretty fun. I don't have time to get a job until summer...can't take community college courses until next school year.

So yeah. you're pretty much caught up now! Months ago, i was working on a thinspiration, so hopefully i'll be back on here in a couple days to post it! :)
Good luck ladies...