When it rains, it pours.

I've been so depressed today! I literally spent all of today and yesterday crying myself to sleep. I just chained myself in my room, basically. I just feel...unloved. unnoticed. I ate 2 jello cups today (20 cals) and some plain pasta for dinner (50?). I just wasn't hungry after today's crying and the big pig out. 
                                                                                                                                                             Yesterday, my grandfather had his retirement party. He owns a winery up in Napa but didn't want to work so much anymore, so he gave the keys to winery,ceremoniously, to my uncle. Weird because my dad was originally going to inherit it, but he ended up landing CEO of a software company. Being there just made me depressed though. I had to get all fancied up and i just wasn't in the mood to do anything. Plus, i ate way too much...although, no sweets, so thats good. Hadar brought her boyfriend along. Of course, he's perfect, like her.                                             
She pisses me off sometimes. My parents love her the most because she's never doing anything wrong, she's never partying or causing trouble. She just studies and dances all day. It's weird that she's so popular, even though she's not what i would call "cool". It's probably just because she's so pretty and has an amazing body. There's only one girl like that who i know in my grade, my competition. I'm pretty sure she's after Eli and i just don't know if I'm good enough for him :( Maybe he wants somebody prettier, thinner, and apparently, with a shit personality.

My Fantastic Friday.

Intake:
lunch: pelmeni dumplings in broth- about 90 calories
snack: one of those flaky biscuits- probably about 100 calories
dinner: fruit, some cod, one cup of jello- im guessing 200 calories?
Total: 390 ISH
The hard thing about writing down my intake is that my family eats pretty diverse dinners, usually nothing packaged, all freshly made. So when my mom makes a salad with her own dressing, pita, rice, seasoned meats, vegetable dishes...its REALLY hard to determine how many calories i had. Especially since there's no "serving size" for homemade meals. Really sorry about that, i'll try harder :]

The movie party was a total success! We ended up watching Silence of The Lambs, so of course i acted scared and grabbed onto Eli. He has his "man cave" with a pool table and everything, its really awesome! Afterwards, we all decided to jump into the hottub, which was AMAZING. He put his arm around me and the most amazing thing happened...we had a thunderstorm with lightning and everything. It's crazy beautiful! I'm sure i sound like a complete freak, but it's really rare to have thunder/lightning is the SF bay area. Last time i saw a storm, i was 7! When everyone started to go back in the house because of the rain, i made my move :]

I just took a chance and looked into his eyes, pulled him into me. It was an amazing kiss, he definetly accepted. I decided not to take it too far and didnt go for a full-on make out since we're supposed to just be "friendly". I think Carter(the boy toy) saw it though, which kind of worries me because i know he actually likes me...but, on the bright side: i can officially say i've been kissed in the rain. :)

Im so excited.

My week of horror (the second one?) is almost over! After labor day, there isn't another eating holiday until Rosh Hashanah at the end of september. I ate more than i intended to today. A small buritto from our favorite mexican market for lunch. i had a steamed pork bun for a snack because the fam went to china town for the day. i had soup for dinner (approx 90 cals) and a tomato salad. Not the best day, but i've had worse.

Tonight was amazing! All my friends and i went to the club. I danced with a bunch of guys, yet the only one i remember dancing with was Eli. Hes so fucking hot!!! I ended up convincing him to go, even though his family is going out of town for labor day tomorrow. im so glad i did, because he's an amazing dancer. we didn't kiss or anything because we've decided to keep it friendly for now. He just broke up with his gf this summer because he moved, which i totally understand. She's all the way in Santa Barbara, which isnt exactly close to San Fran. woohoo! I found out he lives pretty close to me. His parents are really cool with people coming over, so we planned a movie night with all of us at his house on friday. Im so excited! It's a scary movie, so ill just pretend to be scared like everybody else.
Also, on Tuesday i'm visiting my old school because Emie and Harper asked.
I have no idea what to wear! I'll be seeing so many people i havent seen in ages and i need to
look good. I mean, My x might even see me. SCARY. Any advice on what i should wear?
I might post possible outfits tomorrow if i have time...

Stay lovely!