I just got curious. How do people without EDs see people like us? When i was younger, i went around preaching "Oh, how could they do that to their bodies? thats just awful! Why dont they just eat already? its not that hard. Oh, bulimics, theyre disgusting! why would you go and ruin your throat like that? whats so bad about swallowing food?"
But even then, there was a part of me that knew it was the way for me. I always knew i'd get caught up in this horrid cycle. So, i looked it up.
One person called it a "hellish illness". I really hate how people think its an illness. i dont perceive it that way! Its just a life-style choice. Its hard to choose to eat again, but its possible. Maybe some of you will disagree, but i feel like its ultimately a choice. It seems like most people just think its horrible and stupid. What they dont realize it not every girl with an ED is necessarily "skinny". some of us are using ED methods to REACH skinny. Like me, for instance :)
What did you think about EDs before you had one? I'd love to hear any stories you have :) It's so interesting to get a feel for everyone's personal experiences and feelings about ana/mia/etc.
I think you're missing the point. You either don't have an ED and are just crash dieting, or you are in denial. Neither is your fault, exactly, but...yeah.
ReplyDeleteYou know I wonder the same thing. I mean I am a lot older than you and my supposed ED only happened in the last two years. I think that people don't understand it or they don't have the willpower to change themselves so they judge it. I sometimes wonder if I will ever be able to eat without worrying about the calories or be able to eat with guilt and shame. Meh, I guess only time will tell. Thanks for the blog - made me think.
ReplyDeleteKim, having an ed basically is using the eating disorder bahviors (she often describes in her day to day updates) for weight loss.. which she is. Its called EDNOS and I trust you should be semi-educated in it. Shes not in denial and I think shes dead on. This is our mentality and I now wonder how people would view me if they knew my dirtly little secret life of starving.
ReplyDeleteI think you're either born for it or not; call it a genetic predisposition, or early conditioning, or whatever, but some people have a propensity towards anxiety disorders. Some people channel it into schoolwork, or a hobby, or cleaning. And for some it's food.
ReplyDeleteI know that I was born... wrong, somehow. Too anxious. A little bit too intense. And I knew when I was little that I'd want to be anorexic. At a very young age, I didn't even connect it to feminism or media's messages or societal pressure: my thinking was "wanting less makes you a better person".
As I got older, I had pent-up anxiety. I could have become OCD (okay, I do have OCD, but I could have developed it a little differently) but by chance I got the flu, lost my appetite, and started counting calories. And from there on in, it has not been a choice.
It always seems POSSIBLE and maybe even LIKELY that I'll wake up tomorrow and have a bowl of cereal without measuring it or counting the calories or hating myself. It's such a simple thing; I can visualize it without trying. It doesn't even have to threaten my conception of myself as an eating disordered person.
But the fact of the matter is that I don't. Something stops me. And I don't feel like that's a choice I'm making.
Sorry this was a long-ass comment. I'm not disagreeing with you, necessarily; I think everyone's a little different.