I told her i really wanted to go to the doctors to talk about it. Call me crazy, but i actually want to talk to a shrink. My mom is the only one who ever notices my ups and downs, and shes HORRIBLE at "understanding" and "caring". I think i am actually going crazy. She didnt help.
She just said i needed to get out more and not think about my worries, that im obviously convincing myself i have a mental problem. THE FUCK BITCH. ARE YOU BLIND?!?!? YOU THINK IM DOING THIS TO MYSELF?!She said i'm not allowed to tell the doctor about my hallucinations, because she doesnt want be going to the psychiatrist and getting meds and put in a mental hospital. I NEED to talk to somebody other than her, because everytime i talk to her i end up more depressed than before. She said i should tell her anything and everything. LIES. I'm never talking to her about my problems again. I'm not even going to suffer in silence like usual. Im gonna let my tempers flair when and where i want, im gonna SHOW her what she did to me. She said i get influenced on the internet too much, so she's probably gonna start looking through my history...GREAT.
I feel dead inside, i dont want to do anything but sit and cry. I never want to eat again, food doesnt bring happiness. WHY DOES NOBODY UNDERSTAND? WHY AM I SO ALONE? IM NOT CRAZY.
....am i?
....is it too much to ask that i just want someone to listen and care?
Major Depression: Very High
Dysthymia: Moderate
Bipolar: Extremely High
Cyclothymia: Very High
Seasonal Disorder: Moderate
Dude, your mom sounds HECTIC! I do think though that you should go see someone, but don't focus on diagnosing. I was 'diagnosed' with bipolar II and generalised anxiety disorder. I don't believe I am bipolar, I also think that a lot of people have a lot of different traits of mental illness, but not necessarily enough that they need to be treated for those illness. Espesh bipolar, cuz that's like crazy farm stuff. I also have a couple of friends that play into their diagnoses, and you don't wanna go there either. OKAY - What am I trying to say - I lost myself somewhere. Maybe go to a counsillor/therapist (free clinics/school/varsity/college) and they should refer you if need be. AND you aren't going to pay for them so if you do needa go to therapy at least you can show your mom that you aren't imagining illness, but that someone actually agrees with you. Gosh, hope that's useful. :):)
ReplyDeleteWow. My mom is the exact opposite. I personally don't think I have any disorders, yet my mom has always pinned all kinds of them on me and used to always make me take medicine that made me a zombie everyday. She liked the pills more than me, I think.. I guess we've both suffered both extremes.
ReplyDeleteDarling <3 theres so much I want to say but nothing will mean much. We love you no matter what
ReplyDeleteI agree with sophie... And my mom is the same way, i ended up moving out and lived with my sister... She was way worse bc she majored in psych in college... so of course (sarcasm) that makes her an expert on me. lol. some people just don't get it. but hang in there!
ReplyDelete