Day 2 and Vintage Thinspo!

It's day two and im so pissed at myself. I just havent been keeping up, i havent been caring about calories at ALL, and my mom keeps buying junk! She usually doesnt cook (i like to do that) and tonight she decided she'd "let me have a relaxing evening" while she made dinner. What did she cook? Fucking hamburger helper stroganoff, thats what. Luckily she didnt add milk but STILL. Then she made cake, and i'm not even going to make excuses about it- i ate, litterally, like a pig. i have no idea how many calories i had today...i really need to get back into the swing of things because i look really fat again! :(
I just need to take control and say NO JUNK FOOD.
On the brighter side of things, i finally talked to the hot guy, Eli. we had a pretty long conversation about random shit and hows he's liking the school (he's new). Of course, i flirted like crazy but not too over the top. It seems like he'll probably end up in my group of friends, which is awesome, of course :) We're inviting him to the club this weekend so *fingers crossed* maybe we'll get to dance together. I haven't had a boyfriend since the beginning of 9th grade and it was honestly kind of pathetic. Maybe i'll explain that tomorrow...
I just don't like getting involved seriously with guys because it hurts too much. For me, its a serious burden. I just cant get too close and i hate having to be with them all the time and talk to them 24/7. I hate it even more when guys like me, but the feeling isnt mutual. The last one i delt with, i THINK, handled it well. I just hate hurting their feelings, so i usually end up making an excuse. I make excuses a lot, if you can't tell. I know it's not good to lie but i'd appreciate "sorry, i just don't want to date" (which is actually true) over "I'm sorry,but you kind of gross me out." Don't lie, i'm sure youve all thought someone was really revolting, as horrible as it is.